Lust Is Life Condom CompanyWASHINGTON – As if things weren’t strange enough in the hallowed halls of the U.S. federal government, now comes word Rep. Steve Buyer [R-Indiana] wants to tax Americans who engage in unsafe sexual practices.

Floated Thursday during a House Energy and Commerce Committee discussion about President Barack Obama’s proposed national healthcare plan, Buyer’s suggestion would add a surcharge to the health insurance premiums of people who engage in any risky behavior, including smoking, forgoing exercise and unprotected sex.

(Presumably Buyer intends to apply the penalty only to those who engage in sex for recreation and not procreation, as condoms just get in the way when couples attempt to conceive.) Evidently Buyer based his argument on scientific data indicating nicotine-addicted, sexaholic couch potatoes incur higher healthcare costs than fit, clean-living monks.

“Someone who smokes, drinks, participates in bad conduct and behavior, unprotected sex, maybe bad things happen to them, maybe they should pay higher premiums,” Buyer told the committee, apparently overlooking the reported cardiovascular benefits of both moderate alcohol consumption and sexual exercise. “That is a radical thought, isn’t it?”

One must assume the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, a Los Angeles, CA-based non-profit currently attempting to sue condoms onto porn stars, would support Buyer’s position, as a federal law mandating “condoms or cash” could reduce the organization’s concern about the spread of sexually transmitted diseases within the adult entertainment industry. However, it remains unclear how such a surcharge would be assessed against the general population. Will the average Joe willingly confess to sneaking a cigarette or romping uncovered beneath the covers?

Perhaps the most amusing aspect of Buyer’s proposal is that is was made before a group notorious for being caught with its collective pants down: elected officials. Sex scandals are legion among the politically elite, if reports of gubernatorial extramarital affairs and love children fathered by congresscritters like Sen. John Edwards and former Rep. Vito Fossella can be believed.

Oh, wait — taxpayers foot the healthcare bills for elected officials, so charging them a premium for risky sex would punish the innocent, not the guilty.

Maybe taxpayers should insist a gigantic condom be stretched over Washington, DC, in order to make that screwing safe, too.

The House is expected to vote by the end of the month on its version of Obama’s healthcare plan.