trump

NEW YORK – Type “The Donald” into Google search and the first result is for Donald Trump’s Wikipedia page. The man is a noun as well as a verb. He also has one of the strongest pimp hands in the world, maybe the strongest, as shown by his masterful manipulation of the media over the Carrie Prejean non-scandal.

Indeed, the controversy is as fraudulent as Prejean’s boobs, which were paid for by Trump’s Miss USA Pageant to improve her chances in the contest. From that questionable move to the rude question asked by uber-weirdo Perez Hilton to the painfully deliberative post-op decision Monday to forgive the girl for racy photos taken before she “lied” to pageant officials, the fix has been in.

But as with all ambitious punkings, this one has had a few false notes, a few ‘eh’ moments that take it down a few notches on the Greatest All Time Scams list.

First, if they had to get Prejean new boobs why the big deal about photos of the inferior old ones? It just rings false, in more ways than two. I do have a problem with the buying of the boobs, but that’s just me. I’m a natural man, yes, but I also don’t get it. How can the pageant do that for one girl and not another? Doesn’t that just make the whole thing nothing but a scripted reality show? If not, why aren’t other contestants crying foul? It only makes sense if you assume none of it is real.

And what’s all this nonsense about lying to pageant officials on the application? Are these the same officials who evaded answering questions about The Boobs until they could no longer avoid them? Isn’t one supposed to lie to them? Isn’t a lie the truth in these situations?

Of course it’s all one big lie with The Donald calling all the shots. That’s what powerful men with strong pimp hands do. They tell the bitches (ie: the press, contestants, judges and those officials) what to do and when to do it, and smacks them down if they don’t obey. In this case, no smack down was necessary. Everyone was on board. It was smooth sailing all the way to the climax Monday, at which point The Donald showed what a big man he really is.

And it is kind of fun to watch Trump so effortlessly play all the notes of illicit sexuality, forbidden fruit and underage sex by dancing blithely on the margins of porn. If he can so easily create a controversy that pulls in so many cultural issues all at once – gay marriage, free speech, religion and teen nudity – and every news network falls for it hook, line and swimsuit, well, I guess everyone wins.

Except for the evangelicals. They lose… again.