We know what the gangsters think, but what about your wife or husband? Or boss? Or partner? Are they looking at you throughout the day, thinking of ways they can sow terror in your soul? Or are they planning parties and surprises for you in order to bolster your confidence and express their appreciation for you?

And what about you? Which of these are you doing?

I advise doing neither. I think it is better to be obsequious. Pomposity and bullyiing create enemies and resentment in addition to fear, but some people resolve never to fear even when they’re afraid, so then you have to look out for them, especially if their name is Sonny and they work in a warehouse.

On the other hand, treating people with appreciation and respect in order to create reciprocated love is about the stupidest thing you can do. Everyone knows that. I’ve been married for six years and have a 5-year-old son; if I ever even try to play the love card, I’m done. And just try it in a work environment. They smell the weakness on you in a nanosecond and you’re toast from that nano on. At least I hear that’s still how it is in the workplace.

But if you are as fawning and self-deprecating as you can be, you will beat life at its own game every time. Try it. Beat yourself up, grovel before the most insignificant people, make a mockery of yourself. Miracles will happen. People will be able to pretty much say or do anything they want to you, and it won’t matter because you’ll already have said or done it to yourself.

Try it at work as an experiment. You’ll see what a foolproof system it is. Let new hires and lowly employees wipe the floor with you in office politics, encourage your boss to chew you out in public. After a while, no one will take you seriously and they will forget you exist. Because losers are boring. When the next round of firings come, guess what, they’ll have forgotten you even exist.

Here’s the thing. You kever know how people are going to respond either to aggressive actions or kind ones. It is other people who are unpredictable. But you know what you want, and you don’t need to love or scare people in order to get it. You are free to shuffle your way through life’s shadows to get to your goals, skulking along the back alleys of life instead of becomg a target on the big highways. I’s your right as an American.

And here’s the best part. You will wind up at exactly the same spot you would have if you’d spent your life trying to be either feared or loved. We all do. 🙂